i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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