dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Come share oat with me in your robe
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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