speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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