You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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