Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
