I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
