He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
