He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
