there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
