Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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