That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I could make wine with my vomit
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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