I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
