Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
