Who did Billy Mays play for?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
