Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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