New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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