you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
