direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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