you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Holy shit dude........stairs
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
