is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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