my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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