Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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