my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize