Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
