6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
