Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
