Can i not drive my cunt home
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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