I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My feet surprised me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
