i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
