I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
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I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
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Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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