I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
