You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
