dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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