nut hugger
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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