Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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