So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
