did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
When are your genitals available?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
