sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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