wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
worst night to have a conscience
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
