there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
