How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
