More tranny stories later!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
