I am in a vortex of obligation.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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