so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Someone came in the potted fern
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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