Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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