I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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