Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize