I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
