Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
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I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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