well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
