Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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