I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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