Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
