he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
