i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
