im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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