i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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