I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
