Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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