the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
