Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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