At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
