I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
