Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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