The maid of honor just puked.
I love black thongs
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
