I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
