Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
