where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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