saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize