I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
