the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
