Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The police scanner is talking about you again....
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
