I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize