Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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