she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
