Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
